Somehow I know that just about everything I do is in some way or form self-destructive. I feel myself slipping under the dark veil and I love it. I can feel myself hurting myself in a way that should not particularly be allowd, and I love it. I can see those around me shake their heads in a disaproving way, and I want to prove them wrong, I want to coninue, and LOVE it...Prove them wrong in a sense that I can make these sort of decisions for myself and still turn out okay in life.
What is okay? I guess that's your own desicion to make, your conscience to decide. If you feel the guilt eating away at you, then you're probably not making the right decision, unless of course you just haven't been fully informed of what's truly right or wrong. But ultimately it's all up to you. If you feel a person deserves to die, that's your opinion, taking care of it yourself is a whole other thing, You can't play God. Or can you.
Who's to say what God is anyhow. God could be the Earth itself, a certain I idea I find particularly appealing. God could be your subconscience, that tries to get through to you, help you make right decisions...
God could be your parents, who created you, gave you life, and you must live out your life in their eyes, what they view to be acceptable....which does not quite appeal to me, although the idea of doing what you can to be accepted by your parents would be satisfactory. Unless your parents happened to be abusive, crack-addict, psychopaths.
Well, now I'm just on rant that could go on for ages....:). I can't say what I do is wrong or right, it doesn't affect others to the extent that they are hurting as well as I am, and maybe that's at the point where I can say what I'm doing right.
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